It's nice to be wrong

Valentine's Day was yesterday, and I received a valentine!!

I know, it sounds silly. I'm a married woman, of course I would receive a Valentine. But that's not really true. I live and am married to a man who just doesn't like holidays. Except Thanksgiving, because there is no expectation there. I love holidays, and have been known to celebrate Bastille Day (July 14) even though I'm not French and have only been to France once. In his mind, however, Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday. To me, it is an extension of my childhood memories.

My family has always celebrated Valentine's Day. I remember receiving a heart-shaped box of conversation hearts when I was 3 or 4 and loving it. Each year my parents would give us candy, and when I started dating I looked forward to receiving flowers and candy. I never expected anything else. Just candy. Flowers were a maybe, and always appreciated. Plus, Valentine' parties in school rocked. Dessert, cards, and paper hearts.

I'm not going to broach on the history of Valentine's Day. I will only say that it's a saint's day, Cupid is as old as the Greek and Roman myths, and I love the Victorian tradition of trading cards.

Now, the past few years I've fought with dear husband about the importance of V-day. I see it as a fun day, where you get to share your love with someone. Yes, I get that every day, but do you know what I don't get every day? Flowers, a lovely card, or silly candy in a heart shaped box. This day is a long 6-weeks after Christmas, and falls in a cold month here in the north east. It's nice to look forward to some fire.

This year I was determined to be OK if he didn't do anything for the day. I sent out my cards to my family and friends, bought him a small gift and his favorite chocolate treat, and picked a cute card.

Preparing for nothing really led to an exciting day. I received the trifecta. Flowers (12 dozen beautiful red roses), candy (Godiva chocolate), and jewelry (a gorgeous white and black diamond heart necklace). And....a card.

The card in itself was a miracle. In the past ten years, dear husband has given me probably 4 cards...2 of which were birthday cards. Cards belong to holidays, and well, as already stated, he just doesn't do them. That card meant more to me than the Valentine trifecta. It also brought the day back to basics for me. Trading sweet notes and poems, surprises, and love.

Although I am a sucker for some nice flowers.

Simple Saturday

Today I'm taking the advice of the many people and not doing much. Instead of rushing around, going to the gym, cleaning the house inside and out, I do a brief errand this morning, went to an market, came home and took a nap. It was a great nap in the sun, and the cats must have agreed that I chose a good spot and time because they both curled up with me.

I'm probably not going to be able to do that in a few months. My father told me yesterday to enjoy my boredom. Right now I am. Post nap snacks, still hanging out with the cats, and catching up on my DVR shows.

Ah, Saturday.

The story of the distracted writer

My friend Elle33's blog inspired me to catch up on my own. I couldn't remember the last time I wrote in it, and then when I looked I was embarrassed. Nearly a year. Whoops.

But it's not like I've been thoughtless or even lazy. I've been devoting my time to other projects, and some even include writing. Not the other other blog I have though [Garden Spider Hollow]...that's dead. It was a one year gardening project that I never gave an official send off to when it was over. My last post on that one was a year ago as well. Just as well though; the growing season last year sucked due to the constant monsoons that hit the Northeast. To sum: slugs, lettuce, small pumpkin, lots of pickles, no flowers, and lots of squash that people thought were sweet potatoes.

The other projects I've worked on since last February have been diverse...running, baking, canning, noveling, 100words.com, poetry of different states, and getting knocked up. Not in that order of course.

Let's start with the last one. I'm pregnant. Not preggers, cause I really don't like that word. Due May 4 (3 months from today, s*#t!) and having a really good pregnancy so far. It's uneventful which is good, and I've never heard the word "perfect" from the doctor more in my life. Not to say I haven't had weird things happen (mainly weird rashes) but I just dont feel pregnant. Until I catch a sight of the basketball belly in the mirror that is. And then I see our guest room, which hasn't housed a guest since July and has become more of the kittens' playground due to the boxes of stuff that I'm storing in there. [To be fair, for November and December it was the Christmas present staging area.] By now people tell me it should start to resemble a nursery. It doesn't at all. But when I shut the door I can pretend it is, right? Out of sight, out of my mind. Totally out of my mind.

But not really. I've developed a great coping mechanism in the past few years for being out of my mind. Exercise. Particularly running and yoga. Not so much running these days, but being active and yoga have really trained my mind to focus. I am less likely to fly off the handle over nothing (except when dear husband tells me how to do something in the kitchen--off limits buddy). Marathon training has led me to be able to sink into my head at a moment's notice and take over my body. Complete control. It's a relatively new thing for me. I can only imagine where I would be in life right now if I learned this skill 15 years ago.

Now on to the oddest of my hobbies. Canning. Yes, as in food preserves. My dream is to have a wall of shelves in a pantry (which I do not have) with jars lined up in rainbow colors of food to get us through the winter. In this dream there is also a nice window in the pantry that allows the sun to bounce off all the jars too. Ahhh. Last year I focused on pickles, jams, and apple-butter. This year I will be incorporating fruit preserves as well.

Lastly, writing. I really have been writing. True, not as much as I should or could be. But I'm putting the pen to the paper. Or fingers to the keyboard. I was involved with an online poetry group that created collaborative poems and now I'm working on getting them together and publishing them. If I can remember how to use Quark. I also dabbled in the website 100words.com but just cannot write every day. Then I completed the a novel in a month challenge, which I'm still editing and rewriting. My goal is to apply for the Boston Library Writer in Residence. It offers a $20K grant, writing space, a chance to work with some of the library programs, and time to finish my manuscript. We'll see. I'm sure there is stiff competition, and I need recommendations that just aren't out there for me really. One of the consequences of working in a medical editorial office with people who don't understand writing. But if I can get my manuscript in good enough shape (at least 20 pages of it) I'll apply.

Cause you gotta put yourself out there for the universe to find you, right?

Awakening

Yesterday it was warm out. It smelled like spring, and there was lots of melting. It was beautiful.

It's February and I keep trying to be positive. Last week began as a very dark week for me mentally, not because of any 1 reason, and in fact I tried really hard to be bright and cheery. It didn't work. Until Thursday really. This is the main thing about depression that sucks, the inability to crawl out from under a mood without a major thing happening. For me it was a Tuesday night freak out. Screaming, wailing, whining. Whining. Ugh. Perhaps I should go back on my meds.

But then a wonderful thing like sunshine happens. Maybe I am just low on my vitamin D. I think I will pick up some today and start taking it. Because this weekend in the sunshine I was very happy to do anything. Get paint samples, run, shovel ice. Normal things.

My new med will be D.

New Year Reflections

So it is almost 2009--ten years past partying like it was 1999. That's a bit scary. Just saying.

In my head I've been going over what I've done this past year and I do have to say that I am happy with it all. I began 2008 having just turned 30 and really wanted to get my act together so my 30s would not be so hectic as my 20s. When I turned 20 I went and got my tongue pierced. I also jumped out of an airplane, drove 1/2 way across the country with some friends, had a lot of fun with substances as only a 20-year old could, and picked up my second major in college. I guess the decade mark affects me more than I thought.

What did I do with 2008 (and 30)? I ran a half marathon, a series of road races in the dead of winter, completed an International Distance triathlon, ran a full marathon, lost 30 pounds, applied and was accepted into a second graduate program, successfully created a garden from scratch, coached a youth cheerleading team, and adopted two kittens.

Now with 2009 looming and 31 just settling in, I think that I need to do just that--settle into my life. I will still be running marathons (hopefully Boston in April), but I will be in school again one class at a time, and still working on my house, and trying to figure out (still) what the point of it all is. I think that 2009 will be a year of reflection in itself. My life reflecting forward. You are your actions, and the one resolution I plan to have this year is to be fully behind all my actions. Held responsible, thoughtful at all times, and knowing that everyone person that I have in my life is there for a reason.

Wasting time

I am not sure if the waiting room is the right place for me. I seem to be stuck here for quite some time now.

Long ago, I graduated college and accepted the only job that was offered to me at the time. Not being in the tech industry (this was before the bubble burst), there were not a lot of editorial positions open. Not wanting to work retail anymore, my first "professional" job was in the city, the most I've ever been paid--and a lot more money than I would have gotten had I stayed in Albany. The office environment was sterile, but I expected that. My boss was a nice woman who had years of experience, and I wanted to learn from her. But, about a year into my job, I realized that I hated it. Lucky for me, they gave me a raise, and I became happy again. Sort of.

This began the cycle of my professional career of complacency. The job was not too demanding, was an easy commute, and I was in the industry I wanted to be in. The subject matter, though, was nothing I ever wanted to work in, and one that I had actually spent most of my school years running away from: hard science. But it's Boston, and the sciences reign here. I took the time to go back to school (what, my office let me adjust my hours! cool), take on some part time teaching jobs (extra money!), and was promoted for just being there. Every time I thought about leaving, the bosses gave me another raise. Eight years later, I'm turning down jobs because no one can match my benefits and I'm not sure if I would be able to get used to working more than 35 hours a week. And by working I mean watching tv most afternoons, blogging, and flitting about the web.

If I tell you about my workday, you'd be jealous. I have my own office with a view of a beautifully landscaped courtyard, where I can go and eat lunch everyday--unless I am using the free gym three steps away with a full locker room and shower facility. My computer use is not monitored. Neither is my phone use. I talk to my sister and best friend 3 times a week for over an hour at a time. I'm out by 4:30 every day and have not taken work home in over 7 years. I've survived three bosses, and have also managed to pick up a freelance job within the building I work in editing submissions to other journals for one of the best Nutrition programs in the country.

But there is a dark reality to this place I am in. I finish working each day in about two hours. Tops. I know more about the industry than my boss and have to answer his questions. I have an assistant who drives me nuts, but I didn't want to hire her anyway. Even though I have no work to do, I can't leave early because my boss is a micromanager. My work is presented at meetings as my boss', and my opinions are overlooked then grabbed out of the air and claimed. I feel dumber each day for showing up.

I am in this waiting room right now of finding out if I am going to be admitted into a program that would be paid for entirely by my job, figuring out when to have children and use my amazing maternity benefits, and waiting for my boss to quit so I can take his job. But I'm not sure the day by day by day frustration and growing depression is worth it. I have better things to be doing with my time. Other places I could be.

Purgatory is really hell. Don't be fooled.

An email I sent out this morning

I do not usually send out political emails, so just stay with me here for a second.

With Sarah Palin nominated as the GOP VP this past week, many people do not know much about her. A friend of mine pointed me to this article [http://www.crosscut.com/politics-government/17341] that is actually written by someone from Palin's town who has known her and witnessed her political actions. I suggest that you read it to get a gist of who she is and what she stands for. At the bottom is a very clear cut, observational run down of her stances. The rest, admittedly, is not as unbiased, but it reads less so than a lot of media out there. Plus, the author gives several disclosures at the end.

Whether you are Rep. or Dem, it is important to know who exactly you are voting for and what they stand for and will bring into the government.

I am not going to write what I think about her as for those of you who know me you can pretty much tell what I would say in regards to her trying to censor books [my head exploded when I heard about that by the way], her actions in cutting special education support, opinions on gun control, environmental affairs, large government, and reproductive rights. I'm not writing what I think here because it's up to you to decide what you think what type of VP of this country deserves.

Get to know your candidates! The Boston Globe also profiles all candidates (just basic facts). http://www.boston.com/news/politics/2008/candidates/

Also, check out your party's websites:

http://www.rnc.org/
http://www.democrats.org/

This is an important election so make sure you vote!