Friday, November 30, 2012

Birthday weekend

The mid point of the 30s looms. On Sunday I will be 35, and it seems like such a big number. If I look back 20 years I'm a teenager. That's freaky.

I love my 30s though. They are fun and stable, a time where I have grown more than ever. In this past year I have worked on my career more than ever before. I found myself pulling all nighters, routinely working until 1 or 2 am and putting out work that I was consistently proud of. I pulled in my dream gig, even though it was only temporary. Who knew I wanted to write history textbooks so badly!?

As the project wound down, I saw that I had a severe imbalance in my life. I hadn't ignored my family so much as compartmentalized them. By putting my time into such chunks [journal work 8-4, commute 4-5:30, child time 5:30-7, meetings and writing 7-1, snooze, run 5-6, commute 6:30-8] work was being given the bigger chunks. My child grew and I saw him and noticed, I needed to be more present. So in not picking up another project right away, and by getting another day at home lessening my commute, I am trying to be present.

But wow is it hard. It's so hard I even took a course about life balancing. I saw I needed to change my goal and direction. Two years ago, I saw the perfect life as working at home with a baby on my lap. Well, that baby had grown into a charming and energetic toddler who doesnt want to sit on my lap. He wants me to chase him around soccer fields, play knights with him, and read. He is tired of the email chime on my phone because he knows I have to pause in our search for the dragon. November was a month for me to realign myself, but of course the universe threw more at me to deal with.

Stomach bugs, overscheduled weekends, holidays, bad family news, depression. Over half of my calendar has things written on it to do. Even putting away clothes has bogged me down (you do not want to see the floor of my room right now--in fact, you can't). And the littlest thing is setting me off.

So, as I hit 35 this weekend, I am looking for a new perfect life vision. I know it has to do with writing, but the list of what I don't want or will put up with anymore is forcing me to look beyond what I've been doing and take some risks. I am hoping I am prepared.

1 comment:

Laeli said...

Oh 35...I loved 35. I love the 30s period! Happy early birthday to you, may the rest of your 30s be fabulous too!